One of the first questions I remember people asking me as a child was "what do you want to be when you grow up?". It is exciting to look ahead and dream of what the future could be. The choices seem endless, but for me the only nagging part was always "when will I be grown up?".
Will it come with my first kiss? graduating? finding my first love? moving away to college? having my own cubicle? living to Paris for 2 years? being able to eat all the cookies I want for breakfast? (yeah, I do that sometimes...sorry Mom)
Or does adulthood lie in things I have yet to do like buying a house? getting married? birthing children? managing a stock portfolio? watching a loved one die?
7 years ago I graduated from High School, and started college. Almost 3 years ago I graduated from college, and started the "real world". It was very anti-climactic to realize that in fact everything until that point was not false...I was already living my "real life", but now I was just expected to pay for more of it.
Adulthood brings responsibilities, stresses, and griefs...but does not necessitate a "growing up". I still feel like a girl most of the time. A girl posing as a woman, who many say is "living the dream in Paris". Sure, I am have quite a few stamps in my passport and have had my wide-eyed innocence crushed more than once, but most of the time I still fell less like an "adult" and more like a child. A child that enjoys today, that has faith in a God I cannot see, and who has bright hopes for the future (though I still don't know exactly how to get there...)
And, I am hoping that I always feel this way. Ready to learn something new. Ready to stay up late to do something that makes me happy. Ready to make decisions on what makes my life the fullest, not on what is the most logical. Ready to trust in the Holy One who has been there every step along the way.
May I never grow up to feel like I've got things all figured out...
Here's to the adventure, and to never growing up.
Will it come with my first kiss? graduating? finding my first love? moving away to college? having my own cubicle? living to Paris for 2 years? being able to eat all the cookies I want for breakfast? (yeah, I do that sometimes...sorry Mom)
Or does adulthood lie in things I have yet to do like buying a house? getting married? birthing children? managing a stock portfolio? watching a loved one die?
7 years ago I graduated from High School, and started college. Almost 3 years ago I graduated from college, and started the "real world". It was very anti-climactic to realize that in fact everything until that point was not false...I was already living my "real life", but now I was just expected to pay for more of it.
Adulthood brings responsibilities, stresses, and griefs...but does not necessitate a "growing up". I still feel like a girl most of the time. A girl posing as a woman, who many say is "living the dream in Paris". Sure, I am have quite a few stamps in my passport and have had my wide-eyed innocence crushed more than once, but most of the time I still fell less like an "adult" and more like a child. A child that enjoys today, that has faith in a God I cannot see, and who has bright hopes for the future (though I still don't know exactly how to get there...)
And, I am hoping that I always feel this way. Ready to learn something new. Ready to stay up late to do something that makes me happy. Ready to make decisions on what makes my life the fullest, not on what is the most logical. Ready to trust in the Holy One who has been there every step along the way.
May I never grow up to feel like I've got things all figured out...
Here's to the adventure, and to never growing up.
posted by Bethany at 8:40 AM
6 Comments:
I don't think you're alone in your thoughts on adulthood--I know I wonder the same thing from time to time (or everyday). Do here's to Neverland, a place more real than Barrie ever imagined.
you inspire me, Bethany. Even at 34, I still feel like a girl. But a girl who is too tired to stay up past 10. It's odd how early I'm in bed in Africa. There's just not much to do after the power goes out and your computer battery dies.
Don't worry, B, getting married and birthing a child make you still feel like a little girl playing house in her own house. Sometimes I think, how did I get here? I'm too young to be able to do all this stuff... but alas, here I am.
A child teaches freshness, carries the innocense which gets distorted in the real adult world. Nice read and a great post.
God Bless
Sam
Bravo, ma petite amie! (I mean that in the 'friend' sense ... not the girlfriend sense ... which would be really yucky!) Maybe we should look on life not as 'growing up' but as growing out, or growing full(er). Remember how we'd sit on the train (pick one, there were so many) and have one of our crazy conversations? We weren't necessarily aware of going somewhere--but we always were--and often we'd suddenly realize we'd arrived at our destination (and make a mad dash for the doors before they shut). Those are among the best moments in life, to me--living and suddenly realizing that your 'being' has changed. You've become that person God had shown you, but whom you didn't really believe you'd become. Joy!
Funny isn't it that when we are kids we can't wait to grow up and became something that will help people or do something fun or even get to go to bed when we want. Now that we are considered adults we crinkle our noses at the idea of being a grown up.
I've been thinking about your post as I encountered different people this weekend. Saw a distant relative that others wish he would grow up and support his family. Unfortunately, he is a fun but selfish man. Later, I enjoyed a meal with friends of my friends. At first, I felt like I was the youngest or the least grown up person there because I was the only unmarried and childless person. And then the conversation flowed for the women and the beer flowed for the men and I realized that I am not behind at all.
I'm still not sure what it is that makes a person a grown up. I've met them but I don't know how they became one. It does not seem dependent on age, status or children. Surprisingly, it isn't children. So many of my friends have become less...youthful after having children but I still occasionally see glimpses of the old.
Quite possibly, it is the lack of hope or maybe unmet expectations that cause people to slowly shed their youth and grudgingly accept adulthood. Either way, it will be harder to kill the youth in me since the core of my being trusts that the Lord has my best interests in the forefront of His mind. If I forget that then I'm sure being a grown up will be close at hand.
So I lift my glass and hope that we will always be shocked by grey hairs, wrinkles and the inevitable sagging flesh. Afterall, it is our further proof that we were not meant to wither like grass.
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