Back in France

I returned to Paris yesterday. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers for me this weekend. Though I was not directly in danger during my time in London, my mini "holiday" shook me up more than I realized. I talked to a lady who said that when you are close to traumatic events you will have a response, though you may not see it immediately it will come out eventually. Once I boarded the train for home (France), I felt myself relax in the familiar and as my emotional state of "survival" diminished I really wanted to hear a familiar voice, so I called a friend and upon hearing her I began to cry. She asked what was wrong, and I couldn't really define it but to say that it had been a "crazy weekend", which was true, but didn't answer exactly what caused the tears to come so long after the tragedy on Thursday. I spent the rest of my trip home journaling and trying to process...I didn't resolve much, but it felt good to get it out.

See, I went to London in search of some time away for refreshing and with hopes of seeing a few friends. I really wanted some renewed intimacy with Jesus and to see His hand in my life...and I now realize that is exactly what He gave me, it just looked different than I thought.
-I saw His hand in all the tiny details that ended up keeping me in the station where I could find my friend who took me in for the night...if I had been able to get on the underground or buses, like I tried to, I would have been stranded; alone in the city, without any transportation or resources.
-I saw His hand in giving me more time with these friends than I had planned...they unselfishly shared what they had with me, helped make sure my family knew I was safe, and took time to listen...reminding me that I was cared about.
-I saw His hand in letting me help with a ministry project on a street in London Friday night...I was encouraged by my friends' boldness and diligence to see God's Word get into the hands of the lost.
-I saw His hand when an acquaintance from Friday night decided to join me in exploring London Saturday morning...she encouraged me in my work and was a comfort in facing the still unstable underground system.

So, all in all my trip accomplished what I desired...He knew the events of these days long before I made my plans, and though I was sad to know that my being there caused worry for you my family and friends, I am glad I went.

A Caedmon's Calls song lyric:
"this days been crazy but everythings happened on schedule...cause you knew how you'd save me before I fell dead in the garden, and you knew this day long before you made me out of dirt. and you know the plans that you have for me, and you cant plan the ends and not plan the means, and so i suppose i just need some peace"